Indra watched in amazement as a small woman with a brittle-looking walking stick knocked Phegadi clear off his feet.

Azurite: I'm sure he'll be able to glue them back on when he wakes up.

. . . Not only off his feet, but off the ground, as well . . . and into a haystack over a dozen yards away. He was out cold, but did not appear to be seriously injured.

Silver: The detached feet were really a minor issue.

Indra tried to suppress a smile.

Silver: And yet it formed a rebellion, rose up, and eventually overthrew--

Azurite: You've done that joke already.

Silver: It's called a running gag, you philistine.

'I'm sure he earned that.'

Azurite [Phegadi, gleefully]: I had to deliver milk and newspapers for three years, but I finally saved up enough nickels to buy a sound beating!

He looked back at the dark-haired girl. She had not moved.

Silver: Why? 'Cause she'd finally paid off the mortgage, and liked the neighborhood. ZING!

Azurite [rolling her eyes]: Now you're just trying to be bad at this.

'Ra,

Azurite: What?

Chester: Who?

Silver [singing]: Ra, Ra, Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen ~

she looks furious. I should find out what happened. All right, be non-threatening . . . '

Chester: There's one thing he should be good at.

"Hey, you there! Good job!" he called, as cheerfully as he could.

Silver: So. This woman from enemy territory has just magically assaulted his fellow guardsman -- for no reason, as far as he knows -- and now he's congratulating her because...?

Azurite: Because his fellow guardsman is a big jerk.

Chester [Indra]: "The enemy of Phegadi is my friend." Who cares what else she's up to?

She didn't respond. 'Must not have heard me . . . ' He started walking toward her so as to converse more easily.

Chester [Indra, looking down suddenly]: Son of a--! Aw man, why did I pick today of all days to wear my "Southlanders SuXx0r" t-shirt?

That provoked a response; the strange girl gave him a surprised look,

Azurite: After all the looks of utter bewilderment he'd bestowed upon her, she figured she owed him something in return.

then turned and ran off into the darkness.

Azurite: You shouldn't run when it's dark.

Chester: [thump]

Silver [Elara, muffled]: Ow, my shin!

"Wait!" he called after her, also breaking into a run.

Silver: Unfortunately for Indra, the run was protected by a state-of-the-art security system, and pretty soon alarms were going off everywhere.

Before he could think it over logically,

Azurite: Yeah, we wouldn't want that...

Silver: Hurry, Indra! Before your brain kicks in!

he found himself dashing through the shadowy forest, barely dodging the dark shapes of trees as they loomed dangerously into view. He was following the rustling noises of what he assumed was the girl running ahead of him.

Silver: He was actually chasing a startled badger. Boy, was he in for a surprise when he caught up...

For a moment, it seemed as if they were closer, and then they stopped completely. He was making enough noise by himself that he didn't notice at first.

Azurite: See, the trick is to run around the bushes, not through them.

When he did, he stopped immediately and looked carefully around. It did no good; a full-grown pentaragon

All: WHAT.

Chester: For some reason, I'm picturing a five-legged... uh...

Azurite: ...dragon of some sort...

Silver: ...that can add zest to otherwise bland dishes?

[All nod.]

could have hidden successfully from him a dozen feet away.

Azurite: I think you could hide successfully from Indra in a well-lit room just by standing still and not talking too much.

. . . That was an unfortunate thought. He shivered. Listening intently, the only sound he could detect was that of his own slightly ragged breathing. He decided to give up and go back. Now that he thought about it, he did not know why he was even out there in the first place.

Silver: What's this? Short-term memory loss?

Azurite: I'm tellin' you. The guy was dropped on his head. A lot.

There was certainly no good reason that he could think of. He had wanted to ask the girl what was going on, but she probably would not have told him.

Silver: She does seem like the "concuss first, answer questions later" type.

It did not really matter to him now; all he wanted was to get back to the inn and go to sleep.

Silver: And not necessarily in that order. A skilled somnambulist can combine sleep and commute time, taking multi-tasking to a whole new level!

There was only one problem: he did not know in which direction the town lay.

Azurite: Is it just me, or does that sound vaguely naughty?

Silver: It's just you... I hope.

He had never gone more than a few steps outside of the gate, and his leafy surroundings were totally unfamiliar.

Azurite: What, he's never seen a tree before? Somehow, I'm not surprised.

'I must have been running for at least ten minutes; and weaving and turning so much that I could be just about anywhere.'

Chester [Indra]: I could even be in Canada... or Japan... or Hawaii!

Azurite: Weaving and turning? Has he been running, or playing with a loom?

He looked up through the branches at the small patches of stars that showed through. 'I wish the sun were here to guide me.'

Chester [Indra]: Good old sun. It always had some sage advice for me.

Azurite [Sun]: Burn things, Indra... Burn everything...

He knew that he had some food and water in his satchel, so he was in no danger of going hungry overnight. He decided to find a place to sleep and look for town in the morning.

Azurite: Sleep and look for town? Simultaneously?

Silver: Somnambulism is the key to nocturnal efficiency!

Figuring that forward was as good a direction as any, he set off again. He didn't know exactly what he was looking for; just some place where a small fire could be made without setting the whole forest alight.

Azurite: Then again, burning the place down would clear up the whole "lost in the forest" problem. Well... It'd take care of the "in the forest" part, anyway.

The trees continued to grow larger and closer together, their heavy boughs blocking out more and more of the dim moonlight, until he almost had to feel his way forward. He began imagining that he heard sounds coming from behind him . . . not often, but too frequently for comfort. Maybe once every three to five minutes, he would detect a rustle of leaves that was just a little too loud to be made by the wind. Or the soft thud of a footstep that was slightly out of time with his.

Silver: Or the faint pitter-patter of punctuation falling out of place.

Azurite: Or the halting shamble of incomplete sentences.

'Oh joy,' he thought, 'now my ears are playing tricks.'

Chester [Indra]: At least they aren't giving me noogies, like they were yesterday... or wedgies, like last week.

He was starting to wish that he had just climbed a tree when he knew he was still relatively close to town. At least he could have gotten some sleep. He could still turn around . . . He heard two distinct footfalls after he paused to think it over.

He was off and running again, though not for long. With a sudden jolt, he became painfully aware of a large branch next to his forehead.

[There is a thoughtful pause.]

Silver: I feel compelled to say something about that, but I just can't come up with anything.

Azurite: I think it speaks for itself.

He was relieved to notice, as he lay dazed on his back, that there were no sounds of pursuit. After taking a moment to let his head clear, he stood and brushed what he could of the dirt away from his hair and clothes, and peered furtively about. It was a futile action; the forest was as dark as ever.

Indra mentally scolded himself.

Azurite: Then he mentally sent himself to bed without supper.

He was acting like a coward. He kicked at a large bush in irritation, and let out an embarrassingly high-pitched yelp as something exploded into the air bare inches from his face.

Silver: Er...

Azurite: Again: speaks for itself.

Heart racing, he watched as it gave a few reproachful croaks and disappeared into the foliage overhead.

Azurite: Croaks, eh? Was it a raven, then?

Silver: With the amount of description this author gives us, it could be a flying frog for all we know.

He resolved to walk more carefully from then on. He did so, and after about five minutes

Silver: --he was about a yard and a half ahead of where he started. Deciding then that he was being a bit too careful, he resumed walking at a normal pace.

he began to catch glimpses of silvery light between the trees. It grew brighter as he neared it, until he found himself at the edge of a large clearing.

Chester [Indra]: Oh, so that's where I left myself.

The light from a nearly full moon glinted off thousands of dew-flecked blades of grass. It created a convincing illusion of a field of diamonds.

Chester [Indra]: I'm rich!

Silver: Probably not that convincing.

Indra gazed in wonderment at the beautiful scene.

Azurite: Do you suppose he was... transfixed with wonderment?

Chester: Now that you mention it, something about Indra does remind me of Comrade Todd.

Silver [merrily]: No MST is complete without a reference that only makes sense to five people.

He had never expected to find something like this; it would be the perfect place to spend the night.

Azurite: Yeah, what could be better than sleeping on a bunch of wet grass?

As he was thinking that, he heard the faint sound of leaves shifting behind him. Before he could turn to see what it was, something (a small tree, by the feel of it) collided with the side of his head. He slipped quietly into unconsciousness, pondering the identity of the incredibly strong person behind him.

Chester [Indra]: Let's see now... There are three characters in this story. One of them is me. The second was recently knocked out by the third, whom I just now chased into these very woods.

[Long silence.]

Chester [Indra]: ...I got nothin'.

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