Fun for the Consumer

Say: "I can't talk right now. My lawyer says I'm not in full capacity to represent myself."

When the caller asks for someone, explain that the person in question just ran away from home.

Listen patiently to the sales speech. When the caller eventually stops talking for whatever reason, say: "You sound hot. Are you hot?"

If the caller asks for you by name, panic and say: "Oh god. Look, Terry, I need a few more days! I've got the stuff, I just need to package it. I swear I'll get it to you, just don't send Rocco again!"

Fun for the Telemarketer

For a fun challenge, be straightforward. Start your pitch with: "Hi, I'm a telemarketer," and see how far you get.

Say each sentence in a different accent. Go from Texan, to Mexican, to Scottish, to French, to Australian, to...

Frequently, you'll get about as far as: "Hi, my name is—" before the person you're calling blurts out: "Not interested!" Respond with: "That's a shame. I'll inform the prize committee." Then hang up.

Oftentimes, when you ask to speak with a man, a woman will answer with: "He's not here, this is his wife." If you are also a woman, it's best to cry out: "He's married? That BASTARD!" and slam down the phone.

Ever played Infinite Hold? Some people will tell you to hang on a sec, and then they'll walk away from the phone for an hour or so. Don't hang up! They think they're costing your company money by reducing your hourly contact rate. This may be true... but little do they know they're also providing you with a refreshing, unscheduled, paid break! Use the time to relax and think your own thoughts. Compose letters or poetry. Plot world domination. Meditate. Get in touch with your spirit guide. BE the hawk. Just don't "caw" too loudly if your supervisor is nearby.