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The Story Telling Game!
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Creepy Bob
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Joined: 01 Aug 2009
Posts: 71

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
We can only hope! It's thoroughly entertaining so far.

Unrelatedly, I just realized that the style of this story reminds me a lot of the Harvard Lampoon's "Bored of the Rings." Ever read that one, C-Bob? It seems like something you might like. Grin


I've heard of it, and read a quote or two, but never actually been moved to seek it out. Perhaps I should.
The tone that I seem to have infected this story with stems mostly from the fact that I'm a big fan of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams.

I must say that I really appreciate Tulsileaf for starting this topic. In case somebody can't tell, I love writing, but I always have big problems with writers block, which has lead to me not writing anything for several years now.
This being a relay story means that one person getting stuck is not even an issue! :D

Also:


Quote:
CHAPTER III: Bridge gnomes, giant trees and mad lizard men, oh my!

The war continued to rage in the city. Many people, would-be heroes and simple farmers wanting to do the right thing alike, had answered the call for reinforcements.
Unfortunately, Satan had sent the Men-With-No-Ears their very own back up; a horde of highly annoying but bloodthirsty little imp bastards. The fact that they all by coincidence happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to the Midget Lord did not exactly help.

An explosion somewhere above made dust rain down from the ceiling of the planning room of the rebel bunker. Around the planning table sat General Stache and the Captain of the Midget Lord's former Royal Guard, each with a few of their most trusted men, grim faces all around. On the planning table itself sat the Midget Lord in his tub. No one had bothered to clear out the severed ears.
A deep sigh buffeted the General's moustache.
"So my lad, what news have you to report?"
"The situation is grim," said the Captain of the Guard. "Those imps are tougher than they look. And for each one we kill, two more take its place. We're losing ground fast."
"Any idea where those little buggers are coming from?" inquired Stache.
"The Royal Intelligence Forces say that the imp-spawing portal has been opened in the Cerumen Palace. It's churning them out non stop! Between them and those damnable wraiths, we're done for!"
"Now, now, old bean, none of that n-"
"The Earless Ones are the harbingers of DOOM!!!" yapped the Midget Lord and laughed insanely. "They have come to punish you all for your tiny ears!!!"
"Quiet, you!" General Stache snarled, and banged his fist on the table. Then he sagged. "I wish Action Jack was here..."

***

In the Great Forest of !Mzt't, the Alphonse had just finished cooking and was serving the food in his homemade floral pattern bowls...

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Amarath
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Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 219
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Ug, Alfonse, what the hell is this?" Exclaimed Missy as she spit out her mouthful of breakfast.
"The Alfonse does not know of who you speak."
"Fine, The Alfonse."
"It's tree-bark stew."
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Creepy Bob
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Joined: 01 Aug 2009
Posts: 71

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"Tree-bark stew?!" Missy exclaimed, "What on earth possessed you to cook tree-bark stew?"
"All other vegetation in the Great Forest of !Mzt't is poisonous to humans. The Alphonse knows these things. The Alphonse has a great interest in botany" said the Alphonse.
"Yeah, whatever, why didn't you simply snare us a rabbit instead of serving us this muck?" sneered Action Jack.
The Alphonse gave him a cold look. "The Alphonse disapproves of cruelty to animals."
"Oh God," muttered Jack.
"Besides, it's not like you need, or can, eat anything anyway, so I don't know why you're complaining," said Missy.
"Yeah, just keep rubbing it in..." Jack grumbled.
Missy turned back to the Alphonse "Alright, okay," she said "if that's the case I'll eat it, it's just that the taste is a bit... you know."
"There is not much one can do about the taste of tree-bark stew. The Alphonse knows these things. The Alphonse was star pupil of his cooking class."
Missy arched an eyebrow. "Your life has certainly taken an interesting turn since we parted ways, hasn't it the Alphonse? You'll have to tell us more about it some day."
"...uh, guys?" said Action Jack. "Company."
A group of red-capped gnomes was standing on a rock ovelooking their campsite.
"There they are, the filthy welchers!" shouted one and pointed a finger. "They owe us a new guard tower!"
Much larger, but decidedly less human-looking forms were looming behind them.
"By the Great Mother! What have you infidelsss done to our Sssacred Tree?!"

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Aja
Pajamazon


Joined: 21 Jul 2002
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"Oh dear," said Missy. "I don't suppose you mean..."

She glanced back at the ancient trunk, which now sported several conspicuous bald patches, fork-tine gouges, and tooth marks.

"...this tree?"

"Impudent defiler! No, we ssspeak of... that tree."

The tallest of the monstrous forms extended a hooked and jagged claw. Missy's gaze followed it.

"Ah. That would be the one with--"

"Yesss. The one with 'The Alphonse + All The Ladies' carved into itsss hallowed sssilver bark. With a heart around it."

"Hey," said Jack, "that was, uh... it was like that when we got here. We don't know any Alphonse, right Missy?"

"Ah-- right. We certainly--"

"He isss carving an arrow through the heart asss we ssspeak. With a fork."

"It isss a very ssshabby-looking arrow," opined a second figure.

Jack tried to stomp his foot. Failing that, he settled for a facepalm. "Damn it, The Alphonse! Couldn't it wait?"

The Alphonse sniffed. "The Alphonse is an artiste. Leaving a work incomplete would be... unprofessional."

"We'll 'unprofessssional' you. WARRIORSSS! SSSEIZE THEM!"


P.S. Er... never mind about "Bored of the Rings." Evidently the tackiness-to-cleverness ratio goes way up after the prologue. >_> Which is too bad, because it had such great potential. The authors were obviously really witty guys...

...Should've learned by now not to say anything about a book until I've read all of it. XD Sorry 'bout that.
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Tulsileaf
Mink Sith Lord


Joined: 05 Apr 2005
Posts: 572
Location: Behind you.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Creepy Bob wrote:
I must say that I really appreciate Tulsileaf for starting this topic.
Embarrassed Actually, it's Creepy Bob who has made the most contributions and kept this thread alive. You should be thanking him.

I added links to the chapter compilations in the first post.

Quote:
It was then that our heroic trio noticed the much larger shadows amongst the trees.

"I thought those were rocks," muttered Jack.

"Rocks don't move," corrected Missy.

Lumbering out from beneath the leaves the shadows were revealed as four very large reptiloid creatures. Missy immediately seized a knife and with a cry charged into battle. Her acrobatic abilities confused the brutes. To the Alphonse, they seemed dimwitted. Morbidly slow, they dragged their tails behind them. A loin cloth protected their nether regions while scales protected the rest. Their only weapons seemed to be artificial claws in place of their real ones.

"What are these claws made of?" inquired The Alphonse. "They appear to be a polished alloy."

"Sssstainlessss sssteal," replied the creature closest to him. "I forged with fire."

"The Alphonse is impressed with the quality." Perhaps they weren't dimwits after all.

"Ssssstop sssocccializzzing!" commanded the one who originally ordered the attacked. The creature near the Alphonse hissed in acknowledgment and swung its arms.

Action Jack hesitated. Could he fight in this state? He couldn't hold hold a weapon and his punches might harmlessly pass through. But still he had to do something. Resolved, he took a step forward, slipped off a subterranean ledge and disappeared into the ground.

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Creepy Bob
Courtier


Joined: 01 Aug 2009
Posts: 71

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, bad confusion! Shocked
I'll use my compilation skills to make this:

Quote:
"Oh dear," said Missy. "I don't suppose you mean..."

She glanced back at the ancient trunk, which now sported several conspicuous bald patches, fork-tine gouges, and tooth marks.

"...this tree?"

"Impudent defiler! No, we ssspeak of... that tree."

The tallest of the monstrous forms extended a hooked and jagged claw. Missy's gaze followed it.

"Ah. That would be the one with--"

"Yesss. The one with 'The Alphonse + All The Ladies' carved into itsss hallowed sssilver bark. With a heart around it."

"Hey," said Jack, "that was, uh... it was like that when we got here. We don't know any Alphonse, right Missy?"

"Ah-- right. We certainly--"

"He isss carving an arrow through the heart asss we ssspeak. With a fork."

"It isss a very ssshabby-looking arrow," opined a second figure.

Jack tried to stomp his foot. Failing that, he settled for a facepalm. "Damn it, The Alphonse! Couldn't it wait?"

The Alphonse sniffed. "The Alphonse is an artiste. Leaving a work incomplete would be... unprofessional."

"We'll 'unprofessssional' you. WARRIORSSS! SSSEIZE THEM!"

Lumbering out from beneath the leaves the shadows were revealed as four very large reptiloid creatures. Missy immediately seized a knife and with a cry charged into battle. Her acrobatic abilities confused the creatures. To the Alphonse, they seemed dimwitted. Morbidly slow, they dragged their tails behind them. A loin cloth protected their nether regions while scales protected the rest. Their only weapons seemed to be artificial claws in place of their real ones.

"What are these claws made of?" inquired The Alphonse. "They appear to be a polished alloy."

"Sssstainlessss sssteal," replied the creature closest to him. "I forged with fire."

"The Alphonse is impressed with the quality." Perhaps they weren't dimwits after all.

"Ssssstop sssocccializzzing!" commanded the one who originally ordered the attacked. The creature near the Alphonse hissed in acknowledgment and swung its arms.

Action Jack hesitated. Could he fight in this state? He couldn't hold hold a weapon and punches might harmlessly pass through. But still he had to do something. Resolved, he took a step forward, slipped off a subterranean ledge and disappeared into the ground.



Does it work?
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Tulsileaf
Mink Sith Lord


Joined: 05 Apr 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lol, I was still editing it. May be I should finish before submitting next time. Rolling Eyes

You're way is better. :D
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Creepy Bob
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Joined: 01 Aug 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, at first I thought you'd missed Aja's contribution, but at a second glance it wasn't as scrambled as it first looked. Still, if you say so, I guess we'll keep my comp as the official version.

EDIT: @Aja Also, before I forget, glad to see you join the fun cousin Aja! Smile
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Last edited by Creepy Bob on Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tulsileaf
Mink Sith Lord


Joined: 05 Apr 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I changed my mind. I like my way better. Wicked

It's 3 in the morning so sue me.
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Creepy Bob
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*grumble* Stern
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