What better way to (ahem) kick off the art blog than with an entry for the Seventh Sanctum’s Class Act Art Contest?
I used the Wacky Class Generator to come up with this guy:
Why become a Hamster Kicker?
Maybe your boyfriend was savaged by a vicious Werehamster. Perhaps you have taken a sacred vow to exterminate the hulking Dire Hamsters that have plagued your village for generations. Or it could be that your tiny pet hamster (Snowball Squeakerkins I) broke your heart by dying when you were seven years old — and you need some unconventional therapy to bring closure.
But the ancient tradition of Hamster Kicking is not only for those with hamster-related grudges.
Dedicated disciples of the art strive to become one with the Cosmic Hamster, and attune themselves with all that is furry and squeaky in the universe. A true master is able to gather reconnaissance with the aid of a stealthy Scout Hamster, disable opponents with the well-placed grip of a tenacious Attack Hamster, and work in tandem with a nimble Targeting Hamster to land precision strikes.
As many a challenger can attest, it is difficult to stay focused in battle while a small rodent is scurrying around under one’s clothing and a man in heavy boots keeps kicking one here and there.
In any case, the Way of the Hamster Kicker is an arduous path, and while it may not promise glory, it does offer a gateway to transcendence…
…or possibly to lettuce, if your scout hamster happens to be hungry.
- Spiritual Foot Stretch
It’s important to warm up properly before battle.
- Shoulder Carry
Use the ancient hamster-whisperer’s technique to keep your hamsters calm in their hamster holster.
- Vertical Drop
With the help of your targeting hamster, ambush your opponent from above.
- Go-behind Toss
Flanked in battle? Chuck your attack hamster over your shoulder to dispose of the enemies at your back.
- Flying Toe Lift
Propel your scout hamster high in the air to survey your surroundings.
- Fatal Kick of the Goddess (pictured above, top right)
Unleash a flurry of furry rodent fury.
- Atomic Sweep (pictured above, bottom left)
Call upon the spirit of the Cosmic Hamster to imbue your foot with blazing power.
- Terrible Lightning Knee (pictured above, center)
Too terrible to describe.